Understanding Childhood Messages by Enneagram TypeJun 07, 2022
Within each Enneagram type is an unconscious childhood message.
During childhood, even if you had the most amazing parents in the world, there were all kinds of messages you received from them, teachers, other kids, and society in general that you took in and assigned meaning to.
There tends to be one of those messages that stands out more than the others and plays a role in the make up of your Enneagram type.
Below is a list of that core childhood message for each type and when you swipe through above you’ll see the message you most wanted to hear (and most likely still do today).
Type 9 wounded message: It’s not okay to assert yourself.
What you wanted to hear as a Type 9:
Type 8 wounded message: It’s not okay to be vulnerable or trust anyone.
What you wanted to hear as a Type 8:
Type 7 wounded message: It’s not okay to depend on anyone for anything.
What you wanted to hear as a Type 7:
Type 6 wounded message: It’s not okay to trust yourself.
What you needed to hear as a Type 6:
Type 5 wounded message: It’s not okay to be comfortable in the world.
What you wanted to hear as a Type 5:
Type 4 wounded message: It’s not okay to be too functional or too happy.
What the Type 4 wanted to hear:
Type 3 childhood wounded message: It’s not okay to have your own feelings or identity.
What the Type 3 child wanted to hear:
Type 2 childhood wounded message: It’s not okay to have your own needs.
What they needed to hear as a Type 2:
Type 1 childhood wounded message: It’s not okay to make mistakes.
What the Type 1 child needed to hear:
So, how do you use this information?
If you’ve been struggling to narrow down your dominant type, the one that stirs the most emotional reaction could give you additional clues.
If you already know your type…
Take time to reflect where you see the childhood message show up, what’s true about it?
Then take a look at what parts of your life this message controls. How is it impacting your relationships? Your work? Your view of the world?
Where has it allowed life to be easier? For example, if you believe it’s not okay to have your own feelings or identity you never have to take the time to feel those feelings.
To help you further process and start to move through this message, try applying Byron Katie’s “The Work” questions:
1️⃣Is this true?
2️⃣Can you absolutely know it’s true?
3️⃣How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4️⃣Who would you be without that thought
Which of the messages hits home the most for you? Join in on the conversation over on Instagram.
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