The Enneagram and Love: 4 Keys That Can Help You Find or Keep Romance

Nov 04, 2021

 In this training originally hosted over on Instagram, we're using Sex, Love and Your Personality: Nine Faces of Intimacy by Mona Coates and Judith Searle to guide us through the four parts of the Enneagram (outside of just your type) that can play a part in a happy and healthy relationship:

  1. High Levels of Psychological Health (Levels of Development)
  2. Matching Personality Subtypes
  3. Harmonic Triad Match (how you deal with problems)
  4. Complimentary Connection Lines (Arrows)  

This has to do with how emotionally healthy each partner is within their own personality type. 

Many time we tend to see ourselves higher in health than we really are, so the more self-aware and honest you can be the better you can understand where you really are within the levels and what it will take to grow into the next level.

Examples of higher development within your type includes: 


  • Objectivity 
  • Self-soothing
  • Self-validation
  • Congruency 
  • Withholding judgment 
  • Humility 
  • Discernment 
  • Pro-activity
  • Living by Principles 

A person's dominant Subtype represents the arena where the issues of their type will be most often play out i.e. saving money or in intimate relationships.

You can use subtypes without knowing your Enneagram type.

Positive Outlook types might sound like: 

  •  Nine: "What problem? I don't think there's a problem."
  • Two: "You have a problem. I'm here to help." 
  • Seven: "There may be a problem, but I'm fine."  

Compliant or Dutiful types might sound like: 

  • Three: "There an efficient solution to this - we just need to get to work." 
  • One: "I'm sure we can solve this like sensible, mature adults."
  • Five: "There are a number of hidden issues here: let me think about this."

Emotional Reactivity or Intensity types might sound like:

  • Six: "I feel really pressured, and I've got to let off some steam."
  • Four: "I feel really hurt, I need to express myself."
  • Eight: "I'm angry about this and you're going to hear about it."

Each type has an arrow number they go to in disintegration or stress, and take on the unhealthy qualities of that type and one they go to in integration or health where they'll take on the healthiest qualities of that type. 

At the end of the training, you'll also hear questions from the community that get answered including: 

"How do you get your significant other to type themselves?"

"Any types that should definitely avoid each other?"

"How does the Enneagram and 5 Languages of Love overlap?"

"What if your partner isn't into working on themselves as much as you are?"

To learn more about yourself in love, life and work, dig into my favorite resources over at:


And to grab your copy of Sex, Love and Personality my affiliate link for the book is here. As always, thank you for your support! 



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Inside this 20-minute free assessment call, we'll look at which Enneagram type you most identify with, how much you're leveraging your strengths, what common roadblocks you might be facing, and opportunities for how to use your personality and Enneagram insight to build a life and business you love.

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